Cooking up soup for the soul

I love the worship at All Hallows. It gives me hope, inspiration and a feeling of ‘O thank God for that’. I was brought up in the C of E and I found so much of it incredibly dull. One of my most vivid feelings in church as a child and teenager was one of longing for it to be over. There was something so creaky about the traditional liturgies, and the older I became the more marginalised and unwanted I felt. It seemed as though there was no place for me. I was too ‘emotional’ and chaotic.

At All Hallows I feel at home in its theology of openness, inclusiveness and love. I like the fact that we are encouraged to explore and be with our doubts, confusion and differences. This seems healthy and life-giving to me. I feel refreshed and inspired as well as being challenged and able to acknowledge my pain when I come to church.

I find the theological emphasis on liberation and the struggle against injustice and oppression feeds me and the work I am involved in with others who are marginalised by mainstream society. In the welcoming of difference, for instance at communion, I often feel the presence of people I have worked with: prisoners, people addicted to drugs, people who have survived abuse — there seems to be a place for them at that table, as well as for me, in a way that I do not experience in more traditional churches.

I distrust hierarchies and institutions. In traditional churches I often stay silent during the creed because it feels alien and unrelated to me. Also I cannot say ‘for we are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under your table’ as it has horrible memories of guilt and despair attached to it.

I’m not sure I can really call myself a Christian, as I feel fed by several different paths including a Buddhist one. Ultimately I believe that God is love and I can best love myself and others and the God within and around me in a place of healing, challenge, acceptance of difference and creativity. This is what spiritual practice in community is to me. It’s about creative love. It’s about cooking up a soup for the soul. This is what I find at All Hallows. It is what we all create here — all of us in our confusion, doubt, anger, laughter, silence, inability to speak out directly, challenge, care for one another and distrust — it is all veg in this soup. All Hallows is a good place for me, and mainly that is because of its openness and radicalism. I couldn’t go somewhere regularly that was more mainstream. There are lots of places that offer more traditional forms of worship but very few like All Hallows.

I never found love in the traditional C of E. Here I feel its presence, and it is both challenging and nurturing. I love this soup. It tastes good! Thank you.

Anna

This page was last updated on Saturday, 07 May 2005

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